I aways used to be one of those people who could eat whatever they wanted and not lose or gain any weight or so I thought. In my head i was convinced that it was a genetic factor as to why I couldn’t change weight but the reality of the situation was that I used to have to walk 2 miles to work every day and the junk that I ate would be burned off by the exercise.
So you can imagine my surprise as to why I was gaining weight like nobodies business after I had Leo during my post natal depression. I would rarely leave the house as we lived on the second floor and it was so difficult to leave the house and even if I wanted to I hardly ever felt like it. I hardly felt like doing anything so the weight just piled on and piled on because I was still eating my rubbish diet day in day out. It didn’t help that most days I could barely bring myself to cook and would settle for a bag of doritoes for my days meal. I quickly went from 5ft 8 13-14 stone to 19 stone which furthered my spiral into depression. None of my clothes fit and I avoided looking at myself in the mirror at all costs. I compensated by learning how to do beautiful makeup on youtube as this was the only way that I could get even an ounce of self confidence and apart from looking after leo, sitting and doing my makeup was always my first priority even if I wouldn’t leave the house for days at a time.
The weight I was before having Leo
in the midst of my PND after having Leo and before I was pregnant with fia.
a couple of weeks ago, pnd free.
Thankfully I’m through all that and never felt better but losing the weight is still pretty hard. I’ve lost over a stone at the moment and currently weigh in at 113kg which is a long, long way away from where I want to be. In January I will be going back to work which hopefully will help lose the rest of the weight but I also wanted to start doing a weekly weigh in on one of the weekend days so that I can track my progress because I find it a lot more helpful when I can see that there is a change and a difference. I’m still dealing with a lot of lack of self confidence but the other day bought myself some clothes for the first time in a long time and didn’t cry when I put them on which is a good thing.
I don’t want or even expect to be 13 stone again but I want to have more energy and not feel good about myself until I see the photos taken afterwards and cringe at how I could have felt confident enough to smile and pose at a photo which I know talking about doesn’t sound like a healthy mentality but I’m just being honest.
Speak soon, Hannah x